A warrent has gone out for the arrest of Shannon Lee. She is my biological mother, and as of six years ago, sister. The charge is for stealing thousands of dollars from the town she serves as a clerk in. She claims she didn't do it.
Right now, she's in hiding more than 40 miles to the north of where I sit typing this.
Here on the farm, we're trying to formulate a plan to sneak her back home without the police finding her. The plan is to wait until five, and then set her boy friend (an ex air force person) to get her.
At seven tomorrow morning, she'll already be back 40 miles north with her lawyer and Pa. The gardianship papers will be signed, and until the verdict comes in as to Shannon's sentense, Sean and Autumn (my half brother and half sister) will be under Mina (my mom) and Pa's control legally speaking.
It looks like Shannon might end up in jail. If that is the case, Sean and Autumn will become my full brother and sister -- meaning they'll be adopted by their grandparents (Mina and Pa) like I was six years ago.
Everything's in chaos. Our family risks being torn appart, completely displaced. Malfunction Junction (our farm) might have two new editions, even though we're having trouble supporting the three that are already here.
And Sean and Autumn know none of this. Only the adults do, and at 15 years of age, I've been brought into that loop.

Mina and Pa are putting a lot of weight on my shoulders. In one sense, I'll be expected to take on Shannon's role for the two kids. It'll most likely be me who nags them to do their homework, clean their room, take showers; I'll most likely be the one who they come to with their emotional problems and things like that.
I love them, and I want to do my part, but I'm having enough trouble getting over this myself. I'm an emotional wreck as it is without two screaming, wailing kids. I don't think I'll be able to handle it when Autumn or Sean hits puberty (Autumn's 8 now, Sean's 10), especially with Sean's short attention span and urge to annoy all creation.
I want to fall down on my face and cry until I pass out from lack of air. I want to just go back to being a nieve child, to not have to worry about any of this.
But I know I can't. Mina's already told me I have to be strong for the children. If any of those they see as supportive figures faulter, their world will crumble more than it has to.

It's easy for her to say that, she doesn't have to deal with high school and this at the same time. I mean, right now I have two people at school who think that I'm not human, that I'm some sort of mythical being. One of them wants to kill me for it, the other wants to try to train me to use powers that I don't think I even have. My stalker plans to try to do me in (yes, that's him I mentioned above). A kind kid named Brandon keeps helping me out of tight scrapes, he and I have known each other for years.... ....And he thinks I'm in love with him and wants me to go on dates with him and do all that stupid dating stuff. Every part of me screams no, but I'm starting to fall in love with him like I did three years ago (nothing happened that time, I just ended up going out with his best friend). Every teacher expects me to get at least 101% on every test, or at least score top of my class, and they don't seem to understand what the hecks going on.
...I really should talk to the school counselor. But, I think all phsycological people are idiots.

So instead of talking to someone in real life, I've come on here to vent and let everything out. I didn't do this for sympathy, I did it only to let off some steam in a place where the kids won't look.


I might not be online much for a while, because of this mess, or I might be on more. It really just depends on how each day goes. I might come on more to get away from it all, or I might be needed to do something or I might just be curled up in a ball in my room.

...I feel like running, taking out my staff and hitting something really hard. Maybe I'll go to the isolated regions of the farm, maybe I'll run into some wild dogs or Fluffy the mountain lion....
....And no, I'm not suicidal again. I keep reminding myself all the reasons there are to live, all the people I care about, and it's keeping me from that though (just as it did a few years ago.)


Oh, and I'm just too lazy to run a spell check on this. Sorry.